An education in "baby stuff"

Our first baby-related class occurred a few weeks ago. Moncho and I attended a breastfeeding class led by a lactation consultant who was very informative. We learned about how to achieve a proper latch. We watched some helpful, yet slightly uncomfortable, nursing videos (think colostrum flying across the room and a 45 minute migration of a newborn making her way to her Swedish mother's awkwardly tan-lined breast). I learned different methods of holding the baby so we are both comfortable and I'm sure Moncho learned a thing or two even though he was frequently in and out of the room between pages from the hospital. More than anything, it was mostly reassuring. The educational part however probably could have been achieved through some Google searches.

The best part however came when the 3 hour class ended. The room where the class took place was serendipitously right next to a wing of the hospital where Moncho often works and we were able to sneak into a room with an ultrasound machine and conduct an ultrasound so we could see Anabelle. Never mind that neither one of us knew what we were doing. Sure, Moncho knew how to work the machine but I lost all faith  in his abilities as a radiologist/ultrasound tech after 5 minutes of us both awkwardly proclaiming  "wait...I think that's a leg" or "is that her eye? Why is it open like that...that can't be an eye...can it?" clearly there is quite a bit of skill to getting those pretty pictures on ultrasound day. Skills Moncho and I do not posses. We did see her little heart beating. We also were able to identify the rough outline of her head, maybe a nose and a potential eye. The images were blurry and out of focus but she was in there and it was fun to try and sneak a peak of our future! 

Moncho getting ready to conduct our
fairly unsuccessful ultrasound.

Since writing this post we have also attended a birthing class. So I’m updating our experience here as well.

The birthing class, in contrast to the breastfeeding class, was not reassuring. Prior to this two day 6 hour labor and delivery (horror story) class I had been blissfully ignorant of what 10cm dilated actually looks like. I was previously happily free from the horrific mental image of a baby emerging from a birth canal and very confident in my ability to conquer labor with little pain and low dramatics. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen a video of a live birth before, probably in my sophomore year women’s health class at Tufts. I just don’t remember it looking so dramatic and it certainly didn’t strike fear into me as a sophomore in college. I’m sure the imminence of my own approaching due date made me pay more attention to the actual proceedings of the birthing process compared to when I was 19 years old sitting in a class with the thought of giving birth light years away.

Either way, maybe the striking fear into my heart thing turned out to be good for me because ever since taking the class I’ve been learning and reading everything I can about labor. Watching documentaries, skimming through some of Moncho’s old med school books, looking up journal articles about the birthing process while waiting for meetings in the library…you know, just the normal, if not mildly obsessive tendencies one takes on to feel in control of an uncontrollable situation. I know it will be difficult but I’m not the first person to ever be faced with it and I certainly won’t be the last. However, I still kind of cringe when I hear people say or read the phrase “they call it labor for a reason”. I’m sure the person who named it “labor” was a man and never actually experienced labor… but whatever. It’s happening, and it’s happening soon regardless of whether it’s called “labor”, “a cakewalk”, or anything else.

Baby Shower

Thanks to lovely friends and a visit from mom and sis who traveled to Florida (yay), I had a very nice baby shower. It was wonderful to share the day with family as I prepare to grow my own and a blessing to have the company of friends we have made since living in Gainesville. Not underestimating the third trimester pregnancy hormones it was also a little emotional to think of all the people I would have loved to share this day with as well; family and friends far away, who I miss often and miss most during times when I’m feeling sentimental.

Anabelle’s first celebration was almost surreal at times. I would open one gift and think how cute it was and then open another and suddenly be shocked at the impending reality of the change about to occur. I couldn’t help but get a little sad as I thought of all the people with whom I would love to share special moments as Anabelle grows.

I’ve always liked being on my own and being away from family has never been something that was too difficult but now that I’m about to have Anabelle I wonder if those days are over. My guess is that it’s just part of being pregnant and trying to emotionally prepare for the unknown but maybe also there is a more keen sense of the way time seems to speed up as we move through the stages of life.

I hope the people that I love who just happen to be far away are able to know me as a mom and know and love Anabelle. With every event that brings me closer to this new part of my life I feel the distance of loved ones more and the realization that some people who have been so important to me may be unknown to Anabelle. Leave it to late stage pregnancy to turn a happy day into deep, thoughtful, hormonally charged reflection!

I should also mention that Anabelle has a very talented Grandma Sharon who not only made her crib bedding but also knitted a blankie to match the colors of her nursery. I will love the memory of receiving these gifts more than anything because I know all of the love and work that went into making them. After the shower mom and I sat in the nursery for hours unpacking gifts and talking. Dani, Emma, and Moncho joined us after a while and we all took turns trying to feel Anabelle move (pretty unsuccessfully) and listening to her heartbeat with a fetal heart monitor. These are the moments I miss when loved ones are far away but treasure on the rare occasion that I’m blessed to have them around.

  

The beautiful diaper cake that Danielle and my mom made.

Coconut Cake. Yum!

At one point, early on, I said there would be no pink in the nursery. Haha.
Beautiful pink dresser.

Bedding and blanket made with love by Grandma Sharon.

Becoming Mom

Counting down the days; half excited, half nervous. Being pregnant has already changed my life and lifestyle so much. I can’t imagine how my life will once again be different once she actually arrives but I know it will change again. 

Change is scary at times but it is something I like to embrace. I’m trying to focus on the good in changing and transforming into a better person every day for myself and for my soon to be daughter. Transforming into the person I’m meant to be (whoever that is) rather than conforming to the person others think you should be can be difficult and confusing but I think it’s the road to happiness. Accepting change and embracing transformation has led me to the miracle of being on the cusp of meeting Anabelle. There is no better feeling than being just weeks away from meeting someone who will forever be an important and essential part of my life and happiness. Moncho is convinced, based on our last ultrasound that she looks like me. I don’t know that I can make any such conclusions but one thing I do know is that I hope she has his kind spirit and heart.  

"Mother and Child VII"- by artist Lila Oliver Asher

Pregnant Math

The second trimester led me to believe the following equation. Pregnancy + 100 degree weather = guilt free ice cream. However, now older, wiser, and more advanced in my gestation I've been schooled. The correct equation is...Pregnancy + 100 degree weather + 2(guilt free ice cream) = oh shit, I've gained 40 pounds.

At 34 weeks I'll be pregnant for another 6 to 8 weeks. My doctor says I should gain another 5 pounds or so before Anabelle arrives. I hope her math is right (or at least not an underestimate)!

Yummy culprit...co-conspirator with fake pregnant husband
(see "Is my Husband Pregnant" post)

34 Weeks and 3 days pregnant. Day  240 of pregnancy.
Only 40 more days to go!

Is my husband pregnant?

Luckily, Moncho doesn’t read my blog much so I can write this without him getting all hormonal on me. The question I’m asking is a serious one (insert laughter) and I’ve actually done some research into this question only to find that the fact that my husband is craving more sweets than I am, experiencing heartburn, stomach aches, and trouble sleeping is not as abnormal as one would think. I first started to wonder what was going on when one night after dinner, Monch asked me if I wanted to go get some ice cream. WHAT? This has never happened before for a few reasons. He’s not a huge ice cream fan, in fact he hates Mochi (frozen yogurt) and I usually have to twist his arm to get him to take me when I want some. Also, the random drive-by ice cream request came on a weeknight and usually once he’s home after a long 10 plus hour day it’s hard to get him to go anywhere that’s not the couch or bed…understandably. Of course, me being the pregnant one, I didn’t refuse the offer. It still seemed a little odd to me and I filed it away in my brain as a freak occurrence. The random ice cream requests and inquisitive questions about whether or not I had bought any cookies at the grocery store kept coming and it got me noticing some other things.

The other symptom that seemed to be ailing my non-pregnant husband was random nausea. Interesting, as I have been essentially nausea free throughout pretty much my whole pregnancy.  The inescapable reality of pregnancy that Mocho has managed to avoid is weight gain. Unfortunately, for him I’m pretty sure this would be one that he would actually like. He’s the type of person who loses weight if he doesn’t go to the gym. I’ve been doing pretty well in the weight gaining category though…I think we probably weigh the same now (If I’m being totally honest I think at this point I must weigh more than he does but this is a theory I’m okay with NOT testing).

Anyway, I finally figured out that Moncho was not in fact pregnant…obviously…but instead experiencing a sympathetic pregnancy otherwise known as Couvade’s Syndrome. When I looked it up I found that it is an actual diagnosis where the daddy-to-be experiences pregnancy like symptoms. It’s nice to know that my husband is so in tune with me that he is taking on some of the work of pregnancy for me and sharing in some of the fun symptoms of pregnant life!  I’ll happily go to get ice cream with him whenever he wants but if he starts asking me for foot massages I might have to draw the line.       

Pregnant Birthday

The title of my blog is now officially inaccurate (the age part not the pregnant part...but I suppose if I keep this blog up eventually it will all be a total farce). Today is my 29^th birthday and I was so happy to wake up to a kitchen table full of fun birthday presents from Moncho who serenaded me with a sweet rendition of happy birthday before he left for work (or at least I’m pretty sure he did…I was still pretty much asleep). Being a pregnant birthday girl is actually kind of fun. My birthday present to myself this year was letting myself sleep in without feeling guilty. Once I did decide to wobble out of bed after reading all of the sweet messages and Facebook posts from friends and family, I started opening my birthday presents from Moncho. In addition to possibly the most romantic birthday card I’ve ever received I can now say I’m the proud owner of some pretty cool comfy pajama sets among other fun trinkets. Now, I know this doesn’t sound even a little bit romantic or exciting but the pajamas were actually a personal request, much needed, and very happily received. This is one of the ways you know your life has already drastically changed in ways you could have never before imagined. The size of the smile on my face as I opened my pajamas was a surprise even to me.

The truth is that most of my older favorite pajama bottoms are now on a wait list until after I’m bump-less and can actually fit back into them without fear of ruin. In recent months some of my favorites have suffered some pregnancy related injuries and deaths. Yup, now I know what it’s like to sit down and hear that lovely ripping sound as the seam of my favorite pajama bottom rips in half. The added mystery of not knowing if it’s a small (injury) or big (death) rip comes thanks to my baby bump which efficiently blocks the view. On more than one occasion I’ve been clueless walking around the house only to realize my inappropriateness thanks to Moncho’s laughter.  

The weather has even cooperated with this pregnant birthday girl today and instead of the normal high 90’s and 100 degree weather we’ve been experiencing, it is now a cool mid to upper 70’s. In short, it’s the small things that make you smile when you’re a pregnant birthday girl. The cocktails will have to wait until next year…maybe I’ll splurge and have a fancy Ginger Ale tonight when Moncho takes me out to dinner.   

So this is what being pregnant feels like!

Welcome to the third trimester. The days of “oh, this pregnancy has been so easy” are behind me and with the 25 plus pounds I’ve gained so far (the plus may or may not be 5 or more pounds) my body is starting to feel the little aches and pains of being pregnant. Sleeping, surprisingly, is one of the things that I have the most difficulty with now. I’ve gotten used to getting up to pee every few hours and the random bouts of insomnia are pretty manageable. Usually, I just get up and walk around aimlessly in the dark for a while, drink some water, maybe have a bowl of cereal, fiddle around with the baby registry, or if Moncho is on call (sleeping at the hospital) I might even turn on the early morning BBC news…that usually puts me to sleep pretty quickly. The thing about sleeping that is most difficult is the fact that I’m usually a back or stomach sleeper and after a full night of trying to stay on my side I’m waking up with achy hips and shoulders. While the achy hips and shoulders kind of suck, it’s definitely a good excuse to try to hustle some shoulder massages out of Moncho! Moncho has been a very good husband through my pregnancy and even gave me an unsolicited foot massage the other day.

Another new development, as Anabelle is growing, so are the alternating feelings of excitement and anxiety. Sometimes it feels as though I can’t wait another minute for her to get here and at other times the weeks seem like they couldn’t possibly be going by any faster. Usually, I like to feel like I’m at least a little bit in control of what is going on in my life so not knowing if Anabelle is okay inside my belly makes me worry at times. Worrying seems like the only thing I do have control over sometimes when it comes to being pregnant. Is she moving enough? Am I drinking enough water? Am I exercising enough or too much?  And upon reading some random pregnancy website, Why didn’t my doctor tell me not to do [insert obscure pregnancy restriction here]?

At my last doctor’s appointment I mentioned that I hadn’t been feeling Anabelle kicking or moving around that much. I, of course, had been reading “what to expect when you’re expecting” and got to a section describing how I should be feeling my baby’s movements more frequently and stronger now which made me realize I was only noticing subtle movements every once in a while. My doctor said I should do an NST (which I later figured out was a non-stress test) and strapped me up to a fetal heart monitor. I sat in a room and listened to her heart beat for about 45 minutes and was instructed to push a button anytime I felt movement. I got excited when about 20 minutes into the test I started to feel what I thought was a lot of movement…I was quickly corrected by the nurse who told me those were hiccups. They noticed some instances where Anabelle’s heart rate had dropped and decided to do a BPP (which I later learned stood for bio-physical profile) where they would do an ultrasound to look to see if her diaphragm was moving indicating she was taking practice breaths among other indicators of health. At the end of the day I was told everything looked fine and was instructed to do my “kick counts” every day and call right away if for some reason I did not feel her move 10 times within a two hour period…YAY something else to worry about!

The next few days I was glued to the “Kick Count” app on my iPhone counting every nudge, roll, or flutter that I felt. After a few days of obsessive behavior I started to find ways to not worry, like thinking about those girls from the show “I didn’t know I was pregnant” who SOMEHOW get through a whole pregnancy without knowing anything or worrying about anything. If those girls can deliver healthy babies without prenatal care or counting kicks (all the while drinking and smoking) a little lack of movement from my baby is probably okay…right? Nothing like a little downward comparison to help you feel better about yourself! The good news is that there are only 10 more weeks left until my due date so I will soon be able to balance my (new) worries with the joys of holding my girl.

Craving for Italian food  = good excuse for date night! 

30 week belly

counting kicks on the couch